twenty-five: city of blinding lights

unable to sleep now. woke up at 4 am and tossed around for a while before i gave up trying to sleep. i'm due to go running in about an hour's time with Siva and co., and then there's still school and all the pageantry of life. all in a day's work.

i feel like i should restructure my life and change the way i see things once again. change the set of values and the world views which i've held. choose not to become prey to the common afflictions and problems which most people have. disengage from the thoughts of the crowd and begin to exert my own individuality in the world. heck care attitude. hopefully this is just temporary.

it's so much easier to live in the comfortable world where we don't bare our souls to the world, where we don't destabilise our own air of invulnerability and not concede that we can be hurt, painfully, madly and deeply. it's so much easier to cruise through the days, flying like a bee from one place to another without never ever stopping to leave something behind, to maintain that cool composure. to choose to sit and see and look on at the world without emmersing ourselves into the myriad of vibrant emotions which must be the characteristic feature of life. life can be so much easier if we choose to be facetious and flippant, if nothing ever matters and if setbacks were there just to break the consistencies of life. but then, what would be the point. there must be something greater and deeper and more meaningful which we all live for, and at some point we're going to have to concede that much and realise that to feel the summer breeze, one needs to get through the winter freeze.

i'm telling myself that i'm being irrational and that i'm not making sense. but then again, some things just happen and often one conclusion leads to another and before you know it, the US has dropped an atomic bomb and then hundreds of thousands have been killed. things just happen.