thirty-five: irritation expressed

because of the irritating internet connection here, i am unable to make good the USD$14.99 which i have spent on World of Warcraft. this is very irritating.

thirty-four: life begins

it's been such a quick week. it's friday now and the mid semester break is coming to an end. i can't help feeling that all too familiar sense that time is passing by too quickly and all i seem capable of doing is staring as the time whips past. and sadly, it's the last mid semester break ever. but it's been a great week, the best possible kind of week i can have. full of what i hope will be memories in weeks and months to come. only thing is i don't have many photos to show for the week. but then again, some things are nicely left to the etches and sketches of the memory.

feeling kind of emotional now. don't know why. and it's not helping that i'm playing angels by sarah mclachlan. sappy songs. maybe it's because it has been quite an emotional week. joy and sadness amalgamated into one. to find the closeness of being but lose amidst the void of distance.

it's been a timely mid semester break. a good rest to reflect on what's come and what's gone, before the wave of schedule forces me back to the rigours of school, and it's accompanying monotony.

thirty-three: on goodbyes

when you reach home, get on msn and find that people's nicknames have changed to phrases like another friend gone, you realise once again how someone has once again walked out of your life, even if truth be told, that person may never have been especially close to you. maybe it's knowing that you've somewhat lost the option of knowing that person better.

i don't think i've had more than my fair share of goodbyes to say to people - two really close friends, soon three by the end of the week, and a couple of good friends here and there, hardly constitute a life of great loss. but still, i think you just need to lose one great friend to realise that your life is invariably going to be affected by it.

i've always felt this sense of loss whenever i say goodbye to people. uncertain how to feel, whether i want to feel sad. it's really a choice i think, because we can choose not to want to commit to our feelings and choose not to feel at a loss but then isn't that somewhat of an insult to the friend? yet, we can't go around all day being at a loss, because c'est la vie and the reality is that life really does have to go on. we simply can't afford to put ourselves down whenever everyone we know walks out of our lives.

i'm beginning to think that it's a balance somewhere. maybe out heart knows this balance and we feel whatever we're meant to feel naturally, instinctively. if not, then we have to decide for ourselves. i think for a friend who's been there with me through my ups and downs, enduring that period of sadness and all the recurring bouts of desperation must be a deserving tribute.

thirty-two: up and down

it amazes me how such a small thing can make my day. maybe that's when you know.

thirty-one: ibook rocks

whoa! i borrowed my friend's laptop to type this. am in the middle of a lecture too. the ibook is really nice although i'm not used to the keyboard and keep pressing the capslock button whenever i need to insert the letter A - how irritating.

the lecture is still going on!

thirty: encore

i was just taking out my first journal and reading it when i realised that it was just a year and a half since i started writing entries. i read through some of my old entries and lots of feelings came back. you come to recall and remember the people who have made an impact in your life. i felt nostalgic about those times, even as i remembered the incidences which were less happy. not that i would want to relive it again though.

and there's also the realisation that so much has taken place in the span of a year. life should really be measured by a unit like experiences per year. so much has truly happened.

i took out my photo album and scanned through everything. couldn't help feeling the same way.

what will the next year have in store? will life really be so unexpected and different in a year's time from now? it's both a scary and an exciting thought.

but how has the pass year been? it's actually been quite a short and fast year because NS took up almost half of the time. and for some reason, i can't really pinpoint any particle experience, retreive it from my memory and actually feel much for it. time then passed because it had to. that's all. but the time before and after that has been truly amazing. i got to know people so much better in the last three months of JC. now in uni, i'm meeting new faces. i thank God for always blessing me with people who have touched and who have had such a large impact in my life.

to all of you, thank you.

twenty-nine: not in hong kong

my parents are both in hong kong so here i am at home, with my sister. well. not been doing much so far, don't feel like studying or anything, just not very motivated. i was sleeping a moment ago. oh, it's friday, there was no school today hence i'm back home.

i'm waiting to go out later. i hope it'll be great, hehe.

twenty-eight: just to hit a new low

i'm not doing anything these days. feel like life is going round and round in circles. i feel like there's nothing to look forward too, nothing to chase. truth is that there's not nothing to chase, more like it just seems so impossible to succeed. doing nothing, moving in circles. what's happening?

things feel so pointless. there's school then a long intermission between the end of school and sleep and there's never anything concrete to fill up my time. and there's always so much longing in between it begins to take a toll.

twenty-seven: it turned out good

today seemed headed for disaster, i was still feeling sick and i was feeling very muddled, irritated and frustrated about some things in life. really didn't know what i was doing with my life, and didn't know which direction things were going but my RJC 3G class gathering really made me recover from the anger. it was nice meeting up with most the class, like seeing Alex again. not met you for such a long time and finally when you reappear, you have to go so soon. still, it was great meeting you. thank you for the class gathering everyone. and my teacher and her fiance were there and they are SO sweet together, makes everyone just feel like getting married. oh and i'm sorry if i was irritating with all the nonsense questions.



you know, going out with you guys just feels so mature, so grown up, like we're all doing our own stuff but we find time out of our separate lives to meet and recount the old times and to update each other about our lives. hmmm, quite interesting the things we find out about people...... i thought it was quite sad when our teacher said that things will eventually dilute and it'll become harder and harder to feel comfortable with each other. i guess it's sad but it's true. so enjoy whilst it lasts. and i've been tasked with organizing the next one in december. great. it shall be a smashing good one!