forty-three: lazy sunday afternoon

it's a lazy sunday afternoon. sitting too long on my bum in the mid afternoon singaporean heat with sweat collecting on my t-shirt. could really use some air-conditioning but then it may get too cold. well, it's a crazy world anyway.

i remember how i'd use to feel that the days before any major tests would be unnaturally calm and slow. a dip in the excitement leading up to the tests. a break before the final push during the paper itself. and then after that, release. calm before a storm and after too. but somehow this one feels different.

i was very amused over the last few weeks by the seriousness people are taking the coming CAs. me included. just read my previous paragraph and i guess you'd be able to tell that this CA is being compared to all those other major exams. people are sending "jia you" messages, encouraging people. there's the usual bunch of people who will skip lessons the week following the exam. no, it's not that they're psychotic and if you were an insider instead of an outsider, you'd somehow understand. it's just that this is really and truly the atmosphere now.

and all this for just a CA which pales in comparison to even the small class tests of the past. almost everything is an MCQ which numbers far less then the average SAT paper. the whole examination process will not even last the length of the two math papers of the A Levels. but yet, something is different now. something inexplicable.

it's not easy to break away from this cauldron of pressure. positive feedback. the pressure grows as more people catch it, as i'm sure you're able to understand.

forty-two: a semester over

it's hard to believe that one semester of medical school is actually over. it's one tenth of the entire course and i like to believe that's fairly substantial. it's amazing how the simple passage of time can bring you from one place to another. time is the most amazing transporter, better than cars or buses or anything else. it's not bumpy, you barely feel it in the long term; it's so dependable, you always know where you're going. the problem sometimes is you don't want to go there.

the last day of school felt really weird for me. it wasn't like JC, but then again, so much is different. no fanfare, no cheer, no resurgent mood which you subconciously feel everywhere within the confines of a mass populace knowing that idleness, relaxation and rest is within reach. it was sombre, in part because the exams are next week, but also because i think there's just this sense that people have their own things to do and that you don't have any business to do with it. maybe people keep to themselves and their group of friends more. most definitely, people study a lot more, and honestly, i don't see how you can possibly involve too many friends in such an activity. but anyway, there's just this lack of cohesion that was present before in school.

no i'm not being a jock and looking for school spirit or anything. i really don't care about that. i find it hard to explain but it's just that feeling of being comfortable with each other. it's like school is this big lecture theatre and you don't really know everyone so you slide into the background and wait for the lecturer to start. and everyday is like that. there isn't a sense of being comfortable with your surroundings.

haha i'm surprised i actually got to this topic. i meant to say something else. wonder if i should but that would be quite random and i'd seem rather schizo. oh well. i need a good short book. stress on short, not good. if it's short enough maybe by the time i realise it's terrible, i'd have been done reading it.

forty-one: after a long pause

i'm returning to this blog for 2 reasons, one is that i increasingly feel that stopping blogging and having my previous post as the final one is mildly embarassing. two, because i've been reading a couple of blogs and feel that if they have something to say, then likewise, me too.

yes, the CAs are in a week. i have had enough of the CAs really. it's been entirely draining. sadly, i can't relax completely with the half knowledge that something as important as a CA, which will decide the future of mankind (they always seem to decide the future of mankind these days), is in half a year's time.

this end of year feels different. it doesn't feel like the end of a year. not like the past when november was a prelude to a good holiday, prelude to grand things like Christmas and the New year. now it's merely an entracte. which i feel kind of takes away the charm of Christmas. hard to be in the season to give and love when you know in 2 weeks, WHAT! IN 2 WEEKS ONLY, all the nonsense of the rest of year, the expectations, the rhythm, and the major tests, will be breathing down your neck. i shouldn't be complaining probably, since the rest of the world save countries near the south have always been following this.